We like to joke to about 'not dead' updates here, but this is really a not dead update. I have been 100% absent from dA for about four months, but effectively nearly a year in honesty. I should have got on sooner or said something about being inactive, sorry to freak some of you out.
My life is madness now. Don't recognize myself as a person much anymore. My stories are dead and everyone in them. I'm trying to revive them and turn myself around. Be a shame to lose them. I want to try to use them to pull myself back, to escape back inside them to where it was safe. I don't draw much anymore. Spend my time fretting endlessly. Need to change back, or onward into someone else again. Easier said.
So far as dA goes, I'm clearing all my inboxes in a minute here, maybe without looking much at them. That's always a dick thing to do, sorry. Wish we could disable notes. I don't care to disable comments just yet, but please know I'm still likely to be inactive here. But maybe not. I am learning the future is impossible to predict, seriously anything in the world could happen tomorrow, and then change all again the next. I'm just taking things day by day.
This mess I've gotten into is mostly sickening but also damn amazing at the same time. I remember you all telling me how brave and strong you thought I was when I was being treated for cancer. I wish I was as brave and strong now as that person you thought I was. To my friends here, guys, whether I pick up my presence here or not, I remember all the good times, and please don't worry about me.